This is the danger with loving both the character and the actor. My heart is breaking doubly today.
I’m grieving for Cory, who made me smile and always reminded me to never give up on myself and on finding a path to my passions and happiness. And who was goofy but serious in a way that always feels so familiar and hopeful and promising.
And I’m grieving for Finn, who made me smile and who was scared of the future and whether he’d be good enough, who was terrified he’d never find a path he could follow that he’d want to follow in a way that let me see myself on my tv, trying, always trying. And just the day before yesterday, after I completed a hard step that is a foundation for more hard steps on the road to improving my path, I thought to myself, “Maybe this will be your season, as well as Finn’s season. Maybe you’ll be in a place where you and Finn can both find what you want to do and how to be happy. Maybe you’ll be able to do this together.”
I made this post a year ago tomorrow. I woke up that morning in the guest room of my grandparents’ house, checked tumblr on my phone, and I sobbed. I snuck out the front door in my pjs to sneak around the back of the house to sit on my grandma’s butterfly bench and sob and wail on the phone to my mom—mourning and terrified that I’d never find what I was looking for—that I’d never be qualified to do anything.
Anyway, my point is: today was hard, tomorrow is going to be hard too. But you know what? Tomorrow is day one of my raise taking effect at my full time job, which I’ve had for over three months now and which I’ll continue having through at least December. And I’m thinking about school again.
And all of this still terrifies me. And I can’t do it with Finn the way I imagined, but he’s still with me. And so is Cory. And I don’t have much more of a clue than I did a year ago as to what I want to do long term. But I’m happy. And I’m still looking. And it’s still hard. And we’re going to do this.
stut—ter replied to your post “In other news, I would NOT recommend watching Wolf of Wall Street with…”
…starts with snorting cocaine out of a hooker’s ass…
and just gets more awkward from there.
In other news, I would NOT recommend watching Wolf of Wall Street with your dad…
into-the-weeds replied to your post “into-the-weeds replied to your post “Snowpiercer is a stunning movie….”
oh my gosh, thank you. (also, ‘extreme damage done to a train,’ HOW DARE)
I GOT YOU, WEEDS.
into-the-weeds replied to your post “Snowpiercer is a stunning movie. I’m really glad I watched it. I think…”
do I want to watch this or is it triggering as fuck
Probably triggering as fuck. Triggers and thus spoilers for Snowpiercer below the cut.
Snowpiercer is a stunning movie. I’m really glad I watched it. I think I never want to watch it again.